Hosting and Guesting

Downtown Home and Garden Window Display. Sadly, the store will be closing December 24, 2025.

Hello Friends:

Many thanks to all of you who responded warmly to my last post. It is so lovely to hear from you and connect with you! I appreciate your positive and authentic connections. 

As we enter the holiday season, people will be gathering: some to host, and others will be guests. This year, my family’s holidays will probably be pretty low key with some outings and small gatherings if we are lucky. 

Over the years, I have had both positive and negative experiences as a host and a guest. Sometimes, I am fantastic at hosting and guesting. Other times, things have not gone well, for so many reasons, leaving me with sadness and regret. 

Of course, interactions with other humans are often fraught with unpredictability and conflicts will occur. However, if we can put our best foot forward many troubles can be avoided. 

Here are a few of my simple tips for hosting and guesting:

Plan Ahead:

As someone who tries desperately to stay organized, I do not like surprises of any kind. And, when it comes to guests, especially overnight guests, I prefer a long runway to prepare. Our home isn’t always guest ready. I want to make it nice for visitors and I enjoy the preparations, slowly, over several days or weeks. It starts with cleaning throughly and ends with putting out welcoming touches, such as flowers, water and anything else I think might make the space cozy. 

Schedule Your Visit:

In some cultures (according to my husband) it is just fine to randomly show up for a visit. We did this in Poland, more than once, and while the hosts were always hospitable to offer us food and drink (Polish hospitality is amazing!), I could sense an uneasiness. I have also been on the receiving end of surprise visits. I am always happy to have visitors, but some days the house is filthy, the cupboards are bare and I don’t have the emotional capacity to entertain, as much as I enjoy it.

Bring a Little Something:

As an aspiring minimalist, part of me feels that this tradition is maybe unnecessary, but it just feels nice to give and receive. The gift does not have to be big or expensive, just something that says “thank you for having me”. In summer, I might bring some flowers from our garden in a container that the recipient can keep. Other times, consumables or something for the home of the host is perfect. 

Give Each Other Space:

This is a tricky one for me, because I so want to be sociable as a guest or host AND I need a lot of alone time. To be honest, this is something I have to plan for, especially as an overnight guest. At home, it is easier, because I have a place to go to be alone. As hosts, we will have some group activities planned and at other times make suggestions for guests to entertain themselves. I give visitors a map of the walking paths in our neighborhood and I share my saved Google Map of local favorites for things further afield, given they have their own transportation.     

Make an Exit Plan:

Again, cultures clash in my home. My husband grew up with a “stay as long as you like” culture, especially with family. I grew up hearing my dad quote Benjamin Franklin. This past summer, we had two sets of visitors from Germany. It worked out well for them to stay with us for a few days, go visit other relatives or travel, and then return to our home.

Show Appreciation: 

There are so many ways to show appreciation, before, during an after a visit. I appreciate guests and try to make a comfortable space for them, anticipating any needs. We have had visitors shop and cook a meal for us in our home as overnight guests. And, for me, an old school thank you note is always fun to write and receive. 

These tips are just my personal experiences. Please comment below or reply with your tips for hosting and guesting.

For those difficult relationships—and we all have them—I recommend the work of Nedra Glover Tawwab. Her books have been life changing for me. 

For the not quite lost art of etiquette, Emily Post still has all the answers.   

Wishing you peace, ease and organization this holiday season!

All my best,

Carolyn